My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize