would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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