It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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