I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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