I'm gonna have a badass scar
home. puking in laundry basket.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
