He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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