and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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