i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
