You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
