Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
