i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
