Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
