Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
