i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
