but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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