'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize