weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
