it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
