there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
