How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
