y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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