I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
