those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize