The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize