I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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