This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
