Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
