I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
