She announced her abortion via fbk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
