I wanna bring you to show and tell
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
