Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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