I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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