I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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