Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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