butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
