I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drunk is a universal language darling
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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