the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
