Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
