Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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