Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
