I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize