Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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