Welp...herpes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
