I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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