Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
