kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
