he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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