Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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