Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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