After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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