Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
