maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
