I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
