have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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