totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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