I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
