you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
