Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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