just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
