ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
