so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
