i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
