I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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