I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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