Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
