New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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