Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
