Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
one two three fourrrrnication!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
