you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
