I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize