so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Everclear isn't food dammit
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
