I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She's the barista slut.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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